"May I have my autograph?"

Welcome, Minneapolis Star Tribune readers and those reading at the Seattle Times, the Capital Times, the Sacramento Bee, and the News & Observer in Raleigh.

Paul Schmelzer not signed by Jimmy Carter

I realize it's an unusual request, but something tells me Jimmy Carter didn't even get the chance to nix this idea...

"Paul Schmelzer" not signed by Stephen Colbert

My world's all topsy-turvy: Rep. Michele Bachmann, the conservative Republican whose values are almost entirely divergent from my own, agreed to sign my name, but Stephen Colbert, whose entire television persona hinges on borrowing the characteristics of others (namely, O'Reilly-esque conservatives not unlike Bachmann) won't.

You'll notice he did use the blank space where the date's supposed to go to sign his own name though. Maybe that's most fitting.

RIP "Granny D"

Dorris Haddock, 1910-2010

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Wolfgang Puck

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Rep. Michele Bachmann

Minnesota's own signs my name.

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Dan Castellaneta

(voice of Homer Simpson, Krusty, Barney Gumbel, others)

RIP Merce Cunningham

Famed dancer, choreographer and cultural icon Merce Cunningham, who participated in this project very early on, passed away Sunday in Manhattan at age 90.

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Jenny Holzer

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Jonathan Lethem

I met Jonathan Lethem, who wrote popular novels like Fortress of Solitude and Motherless Brooklyn, at a reading at the now-defunct St. Paul bookstore Ruminator. He gamely signed my my name in his novel Amnesia Moon before putting his own John Hancock on the first page of Fortress of Solitude. I didn't mention that the first-edition, ensleeved in cellophane, was checked out from the Minneapolis Public Library. (What does it mean that a collectively owned book was enhanced in value by the author's signature? It's not like anyone can cash in on it.)

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Ed Ruscha

Paul Schmelzer as signed by Matthew Barney